“You search much deeper within

Through the way things appear

You are looking into my heart

I’m coming back to the heart of worship

And it’s all about You

It’s all about You, Jesus

I’m sorry, Lord, for the things I have made it

When it’s all about You

It’s all about You, Jesus.”

— Heart of Worship by Phil Wickham & Matt Redman

I don’t know where to start this blog, but I have learned that sometimes worship can express what I can’t.

My squad, along with the other Gap squads, had the blessing of serving domestically at Camp Adrian over the past few days. The days were very long, and it felt like my team pressure-washed (and even hand-washed) every inch of that campus, but it was worship. We weren’t just cleaning up a space; we were preserving and reviving sacred ground that God will continue to use to impact many lives. At times, I found myself repeating this reminder over and over: “This is worship. This is worship. This is worship.” I had to remind myself of this again and again to keep going.

As we worked, we were fed like royalty. It felt like Thanksgiving at every meal. My team even had the opportunity to make dinner on the first day… there was SO MUCH food. We listened to Disney music, sprayed each other with water, and laughed as we worked to prepare yet another feast.

And the laughter doesn’t stop there!

I get to experience Christ through the people around me in so many different ways. They challenge me, encourage me, listen to me, draw me out, make me laugh, and remind me to keep becoming more like Him. I think that is one of the sweetest parts of the body of Christ: we each carry a different piece of His character, and when we come together, we get to see a fuller picture of Him. My squad is a little glimpse of that, and they are so full of love.

During worship, I opened the book of Jonah and asked God, “Where do You want me to go? What have I been running from? Where is my Nineveh?”

I have felt like my worship and relationships have been performative. I’ve been living with a mask on, keeping up walls and holding parts of myself back, even from myself. There are 18 inches between my heart and mind, but I felt so disconnected, and all my thoughts were up in the air. I didn’t have a direction, and I didn’t know how to be intentional.

I am about to travel to six different countries, meet hundreds of people, and learn about many unique perspectives, but I didn’t know where God was leading me.

But in that moment, it was as if I heard Jesus speak into my ear in a soft voice: “I want you to go to your heart.”

Out of all the places to go, He said He wanted me to go within my heart.

It has been amazing how Jesus has been rebuilding my understanding of who He is. He has been rebuilding my heart and mind. He came to save me from God’s righteous response to our sin; He died to save me from His wrath, and He broke every barrier. He broke the barrier between my heart and mind, and He will tear down the walls within me.

Once we are in Christ, we are called to be His workmanship, to do the good works of the Spirit. Within Him, we have all of His goodness and all of His protection, and we should live to express what God has already given us.

A wise person once said, “We can only change our mindset, and God then changes our heart.”

So, with that, I am trying to change perspective. Yes, I am here to serve, and yes, I am here to grow closer to God, but that is not why I am here. I am here because I should spend every day on my knees. Jesus has done it all. He is worthy of it all. “It is all about You, Jesus.” I am here to be obedient and give the little I have to Jesus. It is all about Him.

It was not for my sin or for my salvation that Jesus came. He came by grace alone. He came because of His love. He came because He wanted me. He came because He chose me. He came because His love is not dependent on what I can do for Him. He came because He is good. He came because He is merciful. He came because He is God.

Jesus does not even need us to save us, so why do we make our worship about ourselves or our own ability?

I leave for Jamaica on Thursday, and these past few days have opened my eyes to what this next season could be. I AM SO EXCITED!! 

But more than anything, I want to go with the right heart. I don’t want this trip to be about how much I can do, how well I can serve, or whether I feel like I’m doing enough because I am starting to understand that I am only here because God is truly worthy of it all. It’s not about me, it never was, and it never will be. It’s all about You, Jesus. 

Love, Gianna Catanzano