I arrived at training camp on August 28th, 2026 around 1p. I was dropped off at circle drive, and the time was here - no longer was it “I am so excited to go”, but “oh my goodness, I am actually here?”. Walking into the Guatemala offices, not recognizing anyone or anything, realizing it was time for my parents to drive away. I started to ask “what am I actually doing!?”.

I was greeted with many smiles, I was checked in, and I was walked down into the woods. It was time to pick where my tent would be built, where this next chapter would begin. As I looked around I saw the faces of those who were once just an idea, a text message, a video call.

Those next few hours were full of waiting, bonding, and anticipation. Unsurprisingly, not one person told us what we were doing… (it’s always a surprise! But there is some peace to holding life loosely… hands open :))

Later that night, we sat, all together, in the pavilion, and the parents got to worship with us. People of different denominations and backgrounds came together to worship one God, but something was off. This isn't what I know. Why are people swaying back and forth, why are people on their knees, why are some people laughing? Everything seemed new, even the songs used to worship the God I know.

The speaker was from Nepal. His passion overflowed through him. In his thick accent he says “Am I talking to you?”, sounding like “am I talking to yell!”, “This side is in a coma” “Lazareth rise from the dead!” “Oh no! now this side is sleeping!”, “you have a little potato brain” “in Nepal potatoes are realllyy tiny!” “HALELUJAH”!!!! AMMENN!! 

It wasn’t until the next day, after I said goodbye, that it really hit me. During worship, people were journaling, holding/reading their bibles, jumping, dancing, lifting one arm, lifting both arms, swaying, kneeling, or using flags to express themselves. I have never experienced worship like this - something so heavily spirit led. 

If I am being honest, this was really hard, and I felt very out of place. I started to doubt if I was supposed to be here, and I wasn’t motivated to stay. It wasn't until my coach came and laid her hand on my back. She prayed for and encouraged me. At that moment, I started to cry. I have no idea what I am doing, but I know God does, and I know he wants me here.

Over and Over again we sang, “Lord, I will open up again. I will throw my fears into the wind. I am desperate for a touch of heaven.” with fear in my heart, the repetitive words pierced through my heart. The more I sang, the more I started believing these words to be true. God is going to unwind my heart. He is going to break it just enough to put his pieces within me.

Everyday has been filled with hours of worship, prayer, devos, and sessions. Honestly, there was no time for anything else. Concept after concept was getting stacked on top of each other. Everything was new, and I started to get very overwhelmed. I felt like the odd one out. How come everyone else worships God like this, but I don’t?

Do they know God in a different way than I do? I probably only feel God 5% of the time, but I can rest in the fact that I know who he is, but what if I don’t? Do I know God?

On top of that, the moments of “free space” were spent communicating and getting to know the other 40+ people on my squad. “These people are going to be standing at our weddings”, “these will be the closest bonds you will ever make”... all of that came with a heavy pressure to know everyone completely. I need to find how I fit into all of this!? Wait, well what If I never connect with them!? Well … remember, it was only the second, third, and fourth day. They are strangers.

God is teaching me to know Him, and I am excited for every day even though I have been struggling. I am finding my place in his love by learning what others believe. God has helped me understand that I am not alone, others have questions too. Each and every one of us are reflecting. I have asked every day for God to give me discernment and discretion in order to understand what I believe.

By the end of this mission, I want to have learned how to express my emotions and love others in a way they feel loved. I want to be able to share God to those with different understandings. I want to honor my body, and most importantly, I want to learn more about who God is.

Everyday is a new adventure! Yesterday, the gap year squads got to hike Mt. Yona, and today is my SABBATH!! (huzzah! - very much needed)

We have also gone through mock markets. We were given 15 minutes to get our dinner for the night as the Serve Team, Staff, and Leaders were trying to pick pocket us, sell us “drugs”, honor the “king and queen”, drive and beep cars, exchange currency, and beg for money. They wore clothes from different cultures, covered themselves in makeup, and spoke in accents.

AND we have done mock house visits. I “visited” three sisters from Thailand who were Buddhist orphans. I learned that relationships are far greater than results, everyone has different strengths, it is important to respect cultural norms, and (most importantly) ALWAYS EAT EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF FOOD! … no matter what. 

I have taken many bucket showers (they are pretty awesome!). I love sleeping in my tent. I have worked out every day. I did bucket laundry today … It took a VERY long time, we play lots of hacky sack, AND I love each and every person I get to walk through this journey with. 

God has blessed me with such a loving squad, and even through confusion, I am confident that God is growing me every day. I have been very blessed.

⚠️ if there are words below here, I did NOT write them ⚠️ (I’m not sure why it is auto populating)